2014

First up get well soon Aussie John who didn’t make yesterday’s game, but I will see him later as we are nipping up to the hospital today.

Post our semi dramatic (although not as dramatic as others, LOL) exit from the League Cup, it was back to the Premier League for West Ham, and the visit of Southampton FC.

Southampton had spent most of the summer selling their best assets to Liverpool and Man Utd, and West Ham had been strengthening their squad and continued to do so, with the addition of Alex Song on a season loan from Barcelona being announced just before kick off. So it all looked like a West Ham win.

Continue reading “WHUFC vs Southampton EPL 30/08/2014” →

Diame on his way ?

Today, WHU announced the signing of Cheikhou Kouyate from Anderlecht. I will admit I’m no expert on the guy but he does seem a Sam signing. A 6’4″ midfielder from Senegal who has some experience of European competition during his time in Anderlecht. 3 goals in 145 appearances suggests that he hasn’t been signed as part of Sam’s new “attacking project” or as a replacement for Kevin Nolan. Mark Noble’s performances this last season makes him a shoe in for the first 11. This means in my estimation, with the amount of midfielders we have available means that at least one will be going. That one, in my estimation will be Mo Diame, who lets be honest, hasn’t torn up any trees this year, and I think we all agree needs new challenges and unfortunately needs to be off of our payroll if he doesn’t want to be here. Such a shame, as some of his performances have been fantastic, but he seems to have a little of the Adebayor’s about him, now he’s settled.

So Merhbe (welcome in Wolof) Cheikhou, and may your stay be good !

Also the fixture list is out.

Totts at home first game. At least we can start the season well !

WHU – where next ?

So, the season has come to an end and the Hammers ended up in a respectable mid table position. Despite the dreadful football exhibited by Sam and the team this year.
Where do we go? This close season has delivered some great rumors (Ashley Cole), some poor ones (Rio Ferdinand), and some outright hilarious ones (Emile Heskey ?).
The signing of Mauro Zarate is obviously a cheap tactic for the board and manager to protest their new brand of attacking football. What’s the chances he turns up and sits on the bench, watching Carroll flounder around on his own for another season. Where does this leave Carlton Cole? As he hasn’t followed his namesake Joe out of the door, I assume he stays and sees out his remaining one year around the bench and the last 10 minutes.
Talking of Joe , I for one will go on record and say he did not deliver this time around, and I for one was disappointed. Sam got one thing right, JC was simply not fit enough. Villa are taking a massive chance on giving him what surely must be his last chance.
With Joe in the taxi (c. V Paradis) was George McCartney and Jack Collison. Jack was no surprise, as he didn’t really add anything , and since his career threatening injury a couple of years ago, he is just not a premier league player. But he is WHU through and through, and his open letter to the fans was truly sad, especially his reminisces of that Millwall game. George going was interesting as currently there are no ideal replacements in the team unless Joey O’Brien is being favoured (really ?). Bring on Ashley Cole I say, or maybe Evra if he gets replaced at United as they talk about doing it nearly every season.

As part of this new look attacking team (LOL @ Sam), we need someone who is a real attacking midfielder. Nolan has cost us more than he has delivered in the last year, but will not leave all the time Sam is there (but he’s not in the photos for the new kit, so you never know). Who is this person we need? How about Ravel Morrison (remember him ?). Didn’t get a game for QPR either when it mattered, but we all know what he can do. If Sam is the manager he thinks and says he is then he has to sort this out. However if Fergie and ‘Arry couldn’t then maybe it is a lost cause. In that case I bring you…..Jack Rodwell. Wasting his time at City, and with probably more big players coming in , that won’t change anytime soon.

This is also the upcoming season to blood some of the Academy properly, and not in the way it was done this year, by exploiting them in the FA Cup.

This coming season for the club is critical, being the penultimate season at the Boleyn. We cannot be trying to get promotion before the big move, or worse still, move in while we are in the Championship. Just unthinkable.

I would also be looking to shift some more deadwood (RVT and Stephen Henderson) and someone who played like a dead wood, Mr Mohammed Diame. It’s a shame, the lad has everything, but cannot be arsed to do it for us, and keeps banging on about Liverpool. So do us all a favour mate and piss off.

Normally i would review the season but it was one to right off. I will issue my player of the season though. Once again unexpected (for me), after the surprise of Winston Reid last year, this years recipient is Mark Noble. Not only did he carry himself well all season he also carried Diame and Nolan at times as well. Well played Sir.

Special shout out to Adrian, who came into a team in disarray, let in double figures in his first 2 games (none his fault), and then turned in performance after performance. Good lad.

That’s me for this season unless any big news happens before the start of the season. But like the Euro’s i will be doing a little right up of the England games as they happen in the WC. Guess that will keep me busy for 2 weeks !

COYI

West Ham United vs Hull City EPL 26/03/2014

Tonight saw WHU probably secure their premier league safety as Sunderland went down fighting at Liverpool, but once again there was nothing to shout about but there was enough for Sam to have a pop at the paying punter.

First up, there was a nice touch from the WHU fans below me jin the lower tier just before kick off as they unveiled a banner with NO TO HULL TIGERS on it with crossed hammers at each end. So far so good.

WHU started well, but after 9 mins Collins came off injured and was replaced by Roger Johnson. I assume Winston Reid’s season is still not back on track. Anyway they continued dominating the game and both Diame and Downing looked lively on the wings. Just before the half hour mark, Mark Noble drove into the box , passed the ball and Diame was right in front of goal, but McGregor came out and just took him out below the knee as Diame was lifting the ball over him. The game carried on for about 10 seconds and then stopped (I assumed that as both the keeper and Diame were down and hurt the ref had stopped the game). The keeper was in a bad way and didn’t get up for a few mins. Then I noticed the Hull players surrounding the ref and Mark Noble holding the ball. The second the keeper got up, he was helped off the pitch by a physio and a red card. I am also assuming some use of the radio to the lino was used (although in post match, apparently the ref said it was all his own decision). On comes Harper as a replacement and Nobes comfortably puts it passed him to put the Hammers into the lead.From here in it should of been a walk in the park, and apart from the odd foray forward West ham progressively got worse and worse, still trying long balls, rather than run Hull around with possession.

The second half was when things got really bad, with another freak goal to go with Rooney’s from Sunday. After 3 mins of the half, Hull had a free kick , and Huddlestone’s drilled kick was going wide until it hit Jelavic on the back and diverted past Adrian.

To add to the oddness of the night a few minutes later a rare cross from Demel, was mis-kicked in for an own goal by James Chester. Thanks for that, you have saved our season, and unfortunately Sam’s job.

From then on Hull looked like they were the team with the extra man. But they didn’t threaten at all, and the game petered out into a WHU win. Sam did his usual winger for winger sub around the 65th min, taking of Diame (who played well) for Joe Cole. Matt Taylor was rubbish all night, and was left on !! and that was that.

The final whistle was met with boos all round, and Sam cupping his ear to the supporters. He really doesn’t get it. A win that is perpetuated by constant cheap loss of possession, and an all round bad display, is now affecting the previously silent majority. Everyone has had enough, its that simple Sam. Move on and all will be well. The amount if people who have told me they are not renewing is growing, and the dreams of filling the Olympic Stadium are fading and dying with him in charge (to quote a well known song of the East End).

To be fair, the fans were also booing the MOTM announcement before any player’s names were even mentioned !

I’ve just seen his post match interview on Sky and he really doesn’t understand. He has now had a pop at the fans on national telly. The next home game should be fun.

MOTM ( no boos) for me was James Tomkins. After the Rooney incident at the weekend, he did well, to come back and deliver a great consistent performance, especially after losing his usual partner after less then 10 minutes.

Red Card and a physio guard of honour to lead him off.

West Ham United vs Southampton EPL 22/02/2014

Great team, great passing, great to watch, big away following, noisy away following, will upset a few big teams, too good to go down, not good enough for Europe. Once upon a time you could guarantee people would be taking about West Ham. These days its more likely that they are talking about Southampton.

Southampton came in good form, as they have held onto all season, but were running into a WHU team who themselves were on a good run. The game started (after the minutes applause for the passing of the legend that was Sir Tom Finney) with Southampton on fire and we were chasing shadows if I’m honest and it was no surprise when they took the lead after 8 minutes. The manner of conceding our first goal in over 4 games was more disappointing. There were 6 West Ham players in a row, marking space rather than players and this allowed Yoshida to ghost in unopposed to get his first goal of the season.

This seemed to wake the hammers up and our midfield in particular. We started to see more of the ball and were closing down the effective play of the Saints a lot quicker which was starting to make them make mistakes. After 20 minutes, Kevin Nolan spotted a run from Matt Jarvis across their back line and lofted a beautiful ball into the danger zone, which Matty got onto, nuts the keeper and slots in the equalizer. To be fair if he had missed he was due a penalty as well, due to the keeper taking him out. There was a slight sniff of offside, but for once the luck was with us. 1-1

We didn’t have to wait long for the next goal, as the Hammers didn’t relent the pressure on the Saints. 3 minutes after the leveller, Carton Cole jumped out of the pack to bullet a header against the post, and the rebound came back to him (from Yoshida’s arm – another pen ?) and rifled in WHU’s second to make it 2-1 WHU after 23 mins. For the first time this season, football had broken out at Upton Park. Southampton continued their possessional play, and might of felt aggrieved not to be level at half time. Adrian did his part again and so did Guy Demel, making some key interventions and clearances.

The scoreline was interesting for me as Mrs MrBen had had her first ever football bet today. She picked WHU to win 2-1, so was hoping for a drab second half to ensure £100 quid into her pocket.

To be fair she looked good for it as the second half didn’t really live up to action of the first. WHU as usual, had a period of play where they gave Southampton some opportunities to level, with both Adam Lallana and Gaston Ramirez wasting chances. However come the 71st minute, a lovely cross from Stewart Downing met the industrious Carlton Cole who nodded it down for Kevin Nolan to fire in an overhead kick from 5 yards out to bring another 3 points to Hammers. For once a comfortable win, to confirm their top half league aspirations, and extend their current form to 4 wins, one draw and only one goal conceded. And a game where the score was about right. If Diame’s speculative shot near the end hadn’t just hit the bar, but had gone in, the scoreline would of been unfair to Southampton. This game has probably won Sam the manager of the month award for Feb as well, without Andy Carroll for most of it. Things are looking good for the Hammers, and with Newcastle and Southampton slipping up more than expected currently, I don’t think we have finished our table climb. I was eyeing up Man U yesterday but their win against Palace probably makes them an unrealistic target now.

So some points of note. Sam has maintained then when the team is fit we can match anyone, and despite my reservations, he may be right. One other point is one I started last game. Adam Lallana on Sky commentary this morning, was being lauded as a cert for the plane to Brazil. Mark Noble played him off the park, and once again dominated a game with tackles, pick ups and directing play. He deserves a look in, if nothing else.

I have also decided to add a new feature to the blog, The Bloke Behind Me. Now this guy has been there some time, and comes out with the most inane nonsense, week in week out .

So for the in inaugural TBBM, we have “James Collins has probably been our best player this season, but i wouldn’t have him in the team” Nice one mate. The only thing that will stop this feature is the 67 year old Angry John clumping him , so I have that in my influence sphere ! Nice to see Aussie John yesterday as well, coming back for a beer, even though he does live the far sticks of Essex these days.

MOTM for this week was once again Mark Noble. Another game dominated.

The Italian Hammers contingent, gets even bigger

This man wears the no 1 jersey next season. Without a doubt.

West Ham United vs Norwich City 11/02/2014

I’m not going to go into detail regarding this game, except to say WHU won 2-0, and gave us some space in that bottom half of the league. It was that sort of game. To be fair, when the usual tannoy announcement came near the end of the first half, i actually thought it may be “The 4th official has indicated that he got bored after 15 mins and went home”

WHU dominated the first half but all the decent chances fell to Norwich and they couldn’t capitalise, mainly due to some heroics from the MOTM Adrian. He was also active in the second half, but as the game went on, the shaky centre back partnership of the canaries started to give the hammers some small chances. Diame came off the bench and his influence should not be underestimated. He dominated the right back for Norwich, and had a chance saved just before he got the cross in for Collins to break the deadlock on 80 mins. Norwich pushed on to get the equalizer and were unlucky to concede a second in “Fergietime” (94m) after Diame broke free and got a fortunate deflection to double the score for WHU.

One incident of note in the second half was one Mr Martin Olsson. He caught Downing in the head (by accident), but Downing put his hands to his head. This prompted Olsson to drop to the deck (not near anyone) and roll around a la Chico Flores. Thankfully, no red card for nothing this time. The WHU fans loved this (“Are you Flores in disguise”) and other less savoury taunts.

So overall a good win, and another clean sheet. Some real pluses were the Collins and Tomkins partnership getting better and better, and Mark Noble once again dominating a midfield. I know earlier on in the season I laughed it off, but he could be playing himself into the national squad at this rate.

MOTM : Adrian

The Ginger Pele strikes one for the Irons

WHUFC vs Swansea City EPL 01/02/2014

The West Ham Italian Division, welcomes our new imports.

As well as managing football teams, it appears Mr Allardyce has added time travel to his skillset. Yesterday we moved from the 19th Century Football (TM J.Mourinho) to 21st Century defending according to Sam. Not that the defending should of been having to be used, but more of that later.

I arrived more in hope of a win rather than expecting one. Last years game, here was more what I expected, with Swansea on the attack and plucky old WHU getting away with it.

What i got was markedly different, with a positive WHU, attacking Swansea from the off and in reality, Swansea couldn’t cope. Our defence was containing the admittedly under par Swansea attack and Noble seemed to be everywhere. Carroll was dominating their defence in very impressive style, and you just felt it would be his day. More of that later as well.

The breakthrough came on the 27th minute with Noble picking up the ball in our box and spotting the run of McCartney on the left flank. George continued the run up the line and popped in a superb cross for Andy Carroll to rise high into the air and nod it down for Nolan, to get his first in a while, and his first of the game. Like the 58 outside on Green Street, we didn’t have to wait long for the next one (19 mins to be precise), when a Downing corner found Carroll on the far post, to nod it back in for his mate to double his tally for the day, and send the Hammers in 2-0 up at half time. That really doesn’t do justice to Carroll, as the height he got and the body twist to make the nod down accurate really has to be appreciated. However I cannot find any photos on line, so you will have to catch MOTD or sky or just believe me.

The second half seem to be going the same way, with WHU happy to let the The Jacks crack on in their own half and then use Carroll to involve everybody else in the play. Then with half an hour to go everything changed. Carroll challenged Flores for the ball, and having seen that, my eyes has gone elsewhere (the incident was that much of nothing), only to catch Flores out of the corner of my eye, rolling around like a cheese in Gloucester. Game stops, Howard Webb comes over, straight red card to AC. What! Really ? I have tried to find content this morning to put up, but i’m struggling currently (edit, now have some). This was not a red card, yellow at a push. Mr Webb made a grave mistake, that (and lets be serious for a minute), could relegate us. I’m not too sure the FA will want their poster boy overturned on appeal, but it’s all in their hands now.

So WHU has to change formation for the last 30 mins, and did stoically. Special shouts out to Matt Taylor, James Collins and Mark Noble, who just threw everything out there to defend (in a 21st century fashion) our lead. So in the end, 3 points and another clean sheet (our 11th this season, why are we 3rd bottom ?) .

In fact everyone played their part yesterday, including Nocerino (Nosher, anyone), one of our new Italian imports, who came on for the last 5 and looked lively going forward. James Tomkins made a tackle in the first half against Bony, that if it had of been made by Baresi, Beckenbauer, or (dare I say it) Moore, would of been lauded down the decades. If you see it, take into account the lad was on a yellow as well, and it was 0-0. Winston Reid made a welcome return to assist the late rearguard action. This probably signals then end of Tomkins’ run in the team, and is a shame, but we cannot accommodate everyone. It was also nice to see everyone in the correct positions, including Kevin Nolan, who put a shift in for the first time in a long time.

Anyway MOTM goes to big Kev for his contribution, but he was run close by Mark Noble, Andy Carroll and on the outside Matt Taylor.

Is this really a straight red , Mr Webb ?

I think the look on his face says it all.

WHUFC vs Newcastle United 18/01/2014

My first trip to the Boleyn in 2014, came after we had dragged ourselves out of the bottom three, via a win at fellow strugglers Cardiff. Also we had conspired in 2 back to back games to have no cup involvement for this year. With Collins back, and Carroll on the mend, believe it or not I actually fancied us to get 3 points at home against a Newcastle team , who have been a bit up or down themselves. The biggest blow was the loss of Tomkins, due to getting a silly red last week. Him and Collins (until Reid comes back), are as about as good as it gets at the back for WHU. Anyway, another defensive shuffle brought Matt Taylor in as right back. Now, using a left midfielder as a right back tells you everything Sam thinks about our current table topping youth policy !

As much as he puts a shift in , Matt Taylor was getting the run around in an unfair position, and that starts to stretch the defence, which didn’t help with Newcastle going 2-0 up with goals from Cabaye and Remy, and really looking to run away with it. However some persistence from Carlton Cole, got a (own) goal back just before half time and there was a small chink of light opening up for West Ham.

Morrison started the second half, which was a encouraging sign from Sam, that he thought it was on, and after 15 mins Carroll joined in on the pitch, in favour of the increasingly disappointing Diame. With a real two up top and some real supply with both Downing and Jarvis still on the pitch, WHU started to pressure the magpies, and both Carlton Cole and Andy Carroll missed sitters to equalise and possibly go on the register back to back wins.

And then Sam decided all the attacking was a bit too exciting , so he brought Joe Cole on for Jarvis. Now, like most WHU fans , i have always been a JC fan, but this time around the experiment has failed and needs curtailing as soon as possible. He really offers nothing extra to what we already have for less wages, and therefore we need to replace him with something more suitable.

Anyway, WHU go on to stay 2-1 down until Cabaye put a lovely free kick in at the end of the game to seal the win for Newcastle.

So while I’ve cut JC off from the WHU gravy train, lets look at a couple of others in that midfield. Diame and Morrison. Both are similar , in as much they are game winners both on their day, but they really are not interested at WHU. TO my mind lookd like Diame wants out and Morrison is being played out of position. So if Diame want to go, lets move him on. Because if he is refusing to utilise his talent, all the cajoling in the world, from the current management team, will make no difference. Morrison is different. We keep hearing about how good he is, but apart from small flashes never see it. Now we have some established players up top, it makes sense to put him in the no 10 role. But with one up top , Sam will want to ever erratic Nolan there. Thererfore we have an issue. We can leave Morrison in the midfield but sitting along the line and waste him or we move him on as well, and see him become an international rated midfielder.

Interesting times for Sam, and he will need all his management skills to balance the team and get the points. If we right off the next game, away to Chelsea, February becomes massive for WHU, we have Swansea, Villa, Norwich and Southampton, with 3 of those at home . Take 10 points there and stay up, take 1 and get relegated, it really is that easy. Hopefully th Lescott deal will be complete in Jan as well to shore up out leaky defence.

Back to the game. Noble, and Collins played well, and when they were both on the park, Cole and Carroll looked a formidable partnership. But for his 2 goals i’ll give Cabaye the MOTM.

Sam, now is the time for you to do your job, and sort this mess out, or maybe we will move yo on in the January window as well.

Deal or no Deal, Sam ? Its time to go to work.

WHUFC vs Aston Villa 02/11/2013 EPL

With our berth in the last 8 of the League Cup secure with 2 penalties against Burnley, and an entertaining 0-0 against Swansea behind us, I wasn’t expected a goal explosion against Villa. Villa also, are in the middle of a goal drought. This was all set up to be a cracker (!). I also base this on nearly every Villa game i’ve been to, which has been 1-0 either way or a draw.

Slightly interesting change in the middle, with Collison coming into the Middle for Diame. Diame has been quite laboured recently so it probably the the right decision. Also Jarvis and Downing started. This was odd, as we had no attackers again, and it was Nolan’s go at playing up top.

Not a lot to report about really for the whole game. There were two incidents in the first half both involving Andreas Weinmann. The first was when James Tomkins fell asleep and allowed Weinmann through. This produced a fantastic block from Jussi. The second was more controversial when he started to lose a race with Morrison, and started to lean into him. As Ravel tried to go round the now impeding forward, Weinmann hit the deck. Luckily Howard Webb saw the right path, and waved away the penalty appeals. I will say Ravel might always not be that lucky. Apart from the odd cross from our wingers, WHU never really bothered Jussi’s opposite number, Guzan.

As usual WHU played better in the 2nd half and probably had Villa on the rack for a while, but no striker meant no opportunities. CC came on with half an hour to go, and was pretty poor, and the lack of pre (and early) season match practice is showing. The quicker Carroll is back the better.

Benteke nearly won the game for the Villa with a powerful header that hit the bar. Joe Cole and Kevin Nolan also missed game winning chances, Joe hitting the keeper and Kevin hitting the hoarding.

Overall , it was another point, and another 0-0 , but should of been 3 points. We are playing on a knife edge, If a couple of these draws were losses, we are looking at a different game. The quicker Carroll is back the better.

Downing was great today despite some serious stick from the away support. Tomkins, apart from one lapse of concentration is justifying his selection every week. Ravel had his moments, but has gone less attack minded. I assume Sam has given him a dogging for trying to attack on his own all the time, and now he has gone the other way. He just needs to learn the right mix.

MOTM today was non other than the much maligned by me Mark Noble, He was magnificent, all over the pitch and making intelligent moves and passes. If this is off the back of his recently publicised personal quest to get in the England squad then fair play. More chance of me playing in Rio than him, but if this raises his game, I’m all for it. BUT, stop the free kicks son, its really not you !

One concern to end on, Winston Reid looked like he was struggling through the game. This could be a wory that we really pay for later on.

WHUFC vs Cardiff City 17/08/2013 EPL 2013/14

The new season has finally come round and where better to start than against a recently promoted team? Two years ago we entertained CCFC in our first game in the Championship. This time both teams are in the Premier League, but one has an extra years experience.

This summer Sam had been quietly going about his business. Securing Carroll, picking up Ratz and Downing, reintegrating Morrison back into squad. The net result of this pitchside was exactly the same team from last year with Maiga replacing Carroll / Cole.

BUT…. we looked fit. Joe Cole and Nolan for example had definitely dropped some timber over the summer. Ravel had made the bench, along with Downing. RVT was there as well, but Downing coming in might accelerate his exit (hopefully). I will also mention at this point that i was wearing shorts, the first time in nearly 3 seasons. About time !

West Ham started the game looking assured, and Cardiff started at pace, moving the ball around snappily. But after a while it was apparent where the experience laid. One thing i noticed in our first year back in the prem was the fact that the game, although slightly slower than the Championship, is way more accurate and bad passing is punished. This was happening to Cardiff who made a sequence of bad passes, particularly when in attacking positions. Nolan and Noble seemed to be picking up presents everywhere simply by closing down quickly.

One of these led to Matt Jarvis getting down the wing with 13 mins on the clock. His cross was looking all the world like a normal ball into the air until he cleverly cut back and found Joe Cole with a well placed pass. Cole collected, spun and smashed it past Marshall to open the Hammers account for 2013/14.

The game pattern had pretty much been set. Cardiff attacks breaking down and West Ham keeping Marshall and the Cardiff back four busy. As usual the second half came around and we still hadn’t got the second goal we needed. Cardiff showed signs of reinvigoration through Bellamy and Campbell’s interactions, but with no other assistance, most of this effort came to nothing.

We were also looking stale so Sam mixed things up a bit. He brought on Downing after 70 mins. JC should of made way as despite his goal, Jarvis was tearing Cardiff apart on the left. But BFS being BFS he took off Jarvis (is Sam scared of big name players ?).

For a fella who had reservations about coming to WHU, Downing looked like a man reborn, getting straight into the game. Just four minutes into his hammers career, he shot down the right again, and fed in Mark Noble. Nobes in turn pushed it into Nolan who wasted no time in firing past Marshall to double the score. This left the result in no doubt.

I have it on good authority that Cardiff have not finished spending and on watching this game, this is really needed. Some of those lads need to adjust quickly if they are serious about staying up. Their fans will follow them everywhere though, and this must help. Special mention to Craig Bellamy. A firm favourite of mine in his short spell at WHU, he still makes those lung bursting runs, and still looks a class act. He also got warm applause from the West Ham fans when he was substituted.

On the subject of fit for premier league. Maiga? Please. He was getting shoved off the ball all the time. If he has been kept in favour of Carlton Cole, then someone really needs to have a word with BFS.

In short a great start for the Hammers and a 3 point lead on a team we could be struggling against come the end of season. Will Cardiff stay up ? Judging on one game is harsh, so i’ll just say investment is required.

MOTM: On the first half performance, JC by a mile. But over 90 minutes, it has to go to the new trim Kevin Nolan. A goal, loads of blocks, tackling and running back, he gave the Hammers a real captain’s performance.

My view of the new season.

Can I leave you with this. You really need to take a look at yourself if you are wearing a shirt with the name of a player on the back who is younger than you.

Oldie with Moore 6. Acceptable. 30 years old with Greaves 9. Fine. 40 years old with Wilsher 10 (saw 3 on the way home). Sad and unacceptable. You are not 12.